Asking a Tarot question, Part 1: Relationships

This blog post has been sitting with me for a while, slowly brewing in the background. This is the first of 3 posts in this series, looking at what and how to ask a Tarot question, specifically those exploring the minefield territory that is a relationship. (Part 2 will look at the more pragmatic side of life such as work and business, and in Part 3 I’ll focus on the divinatory, or fortune-telling aspect – more to come later).

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The High Priestess from the Bohemian Gothic Tarot

So here’s a hypothetical scenario:

You meet someone you rather fancy. Perhaps you really, really like them, though you are not quite sure how to proceed, or whether you should in the first instance. Perhaps past experiences have scarred you a little, and doubt and hesitation hold you back. Should you, shouldn’t you…. Or maybe, you are already in a relationship, but not really sure where it is heading.

At some point you decide to see a Tarot reader, and after explaining the scenario, you ask the question: Will this relationship work out? Sometimes, this gets rephrased as, Is he/she the one?

And this is where I have to pause and do a delicate dance around this question. It is not that I avoid the question – and I’ll look into the fortune telling aspect of readings in Part 3 of the series. I understand all too well that sometimes, there is a fated element to a relationship (or work, business, and life in general), and there is no avoiding this.

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2 of Cups – Rider Waite Smith Tarot

However, my experience, as both a reader and a client, is that in most cases, these are not the right questions to ask. For starters, one is placing a tremendous amount of power in the hands of the Tarot reader – and equally, one is disempowering themselves by doing so. The repercussions of this are vast, but essentially can be summed up in one word: responsibility, or lack of should I say.

 

Taking responsibility for your own actions, rather than laying the blame somewhere else (our parents, society, or the Tarot reader), if one of the hallmarks of maturity and empowerment. So, you may wonder, what should one ask instead?

This largely depends on each person and what stage the relationship is at, and also on the ethics of the reader, however here are some suggestions:

  • What does he/she need from me?
  • What does he/she want from me?
  • If you are in an existing relationship, you can go a step further and ask, What does he/she need (or want) from me that I am not offering (or not able to offer)?
  • What do I need from a relationship?
  • What does he/she think of me?
  • What are his/her feelings for me?
  • How do we emotionally relate? Or mentally?
  • How sexually compatible are we?
  • What does he/she hope for in this relationship?
  • What are his/her fears in this relationship?
  • What is our relationship based on?
  • How do we communicate?
  • What are my strengths (weaknesses) in this relationship?
  • How does he/she deal with conflict?
  • What do we need to do in order to overcome this issue/obstacle?
  • What am I not able to see clearly about our relationship?
  • What are his/her intentions for our relationship?
  • What do I need to do in order to make this relationship work?
Two of Cups Haindl Tarot
2 of Cups – Haindl Tarot

The last one in particular is relevant to my earlier point about taking responsibility – for it’s really up to two people whether their relationship will work out or not, rather than the reader. Again, there are always exceptions to the rule, and I certainly do not mean to diminish or ignore the role that certain karmic energies play in our lives. This post, however, is more about the destiny we create when we actively and consciously work on our own issues, rather than lay the blame at the feet of some divine intervention or the Tarot reader.

If you are exploring the more psychological aspects and complexities in a relationship, here’s a good one: What was his relationship like with his mother? (or her relationship with her father?). Or, what am I projecting onto my partner? etc.

Finally, for those who are dealing with infidelity, a good question might be, what can my wife/husband be (or express) with the other person that they are not able to be with me (rather than, what do they see in the other person)

As you can see, the options are endless. In writing the above, I must articulate that I am not a counsellor or psychologist. I am a Tarot reader who shuffles the cards to help clients to the best of my ability, and that ability has largely been coloured by both life experience and experience as a reader.

In Part 2 I’ll be looking at questions pertaining to work, business, career, and the like.

Until next time,
Monica

 

Case Studies in Tarot : Relationship Reading

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3 card draw using Victorian Romantic

I’ve wanted to write about this reading for a while. It’s not an uncommon topic, however I recall this particular reading as an example where the cards drawn, and the message they impart, are so clear.

The querent’s main question was around her relationship. I used the Victorian Romantic deck from Baba Studio as I find this deck works very well (and not just for relationship questions).

I fanned out the cards in front of the querent and asked her to draw 3, shown above in the order drawn. I can’t talk about other readers or methods, but for me, the order the cards are drawn is very important. In this instance, chronologically, I read from left to right, with left as the past and right as the future, so that the middle card is the present.

So, the first card she drew was The Sun: here we see the passion and consuming love that they experienced as a couple. The Sun is a burning, fiery, life giving force: there is lust, abundance, joy, exuberance. That early, beautiful stage in a relationship – the honeymoon stage. And then we move onto the present.

DSCN1842Gosh, there’s been a battle. Bodies lay bloodied on the ground. Our querent is still alive and standing, but look at the stance and the expression on their face. There has been some serious fighting. There has been war.

I don’t exactly use this direct language, but nonetheless I make it clear what this card is all about. The lady in front of me starts to cry and confirms what has happened. This was a relationship where trust was utterly destroyed through infidelity, and not just once. She tried to heal these wounds, but her partner’s betrayal left some pretty deep scars. She took him back, but was not sure if the relationship was going to make it, and if he in fact was committed.

I have to say, that in my experience as a reader, when a woman sits in front of me with these kind of questions, her gut feeling is already telling her the truth. Our instincts, for all the reasoning and rationale and intellect we cultivate, are spot on. As a tarot reader, I see the cards, over and over, mirroring what the person already knows, deep down inside.

I move onto the last card, the Queen of Swords.

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Isn’t she rather fierce? And dignified, I think. My intuition tells me the querent will make a break and leave this relationship – in this card, she basically stands alone, on her own. Which is a good thing, when a toxic relationship seeps out the life energy from you and breaks your spirit.

I am reluctant to say to her, “you gotta break this off”. I don’t think that is my role. It’s up to the person to make that decision, and own up to their actions in life. However, I do explain what this Queen is all about. Her power, her resilience in the face of adversity, how she stands her ground and has the sword ready. She cannot be harmed.

I think my querent understands all this, but I can see it is hard. That Sun energy she experienced early on in this relationship, that is powerful stuff. Love is a drug, they say. She asks about her partner, and where he fits, and what are his intentions, so I ask her to draw two more cards.

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The Ace of Swords, by itself, is not good or bad. It is simply a new perspective, a new frame of thinking – a new beginning sometimes, although one that is framed mentally. However, next to the 3 of Swords, it is not a favourable answer by any means. And especially given the imagery on the 3 of Swords, which in this deck deals a blow.

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He is simply not there for her, nor does he intend to be (nor was he in the past).  Our lady above is left heart-broken while her knight rides away.

I think that, for all the sadness this reading brought, it also brought clarity, and in a way, a resolution for the querent, a way forward. I don’t think there was anything that I said, or that the cards showed, that she did not know already. In many ways, I felt this was a very good reading, because it was clear and concise. There really was no grey area or murkiness, or confusion.

Thank you for reading. Until next time, many blessings to all.
Monica