I was exceptionally honoured last week to be the guest speaker for the Tarot Guild of Aotearoa. The Guild meets once a month and there is always an interesting presentation given by men and women who have a fascinating history of tarot work and depth knowledge. So when Fern asked me to present I was really, really honoured, even though my biggest fear is speaking in public. Seriously, I cannot even explain how big this fear is. I’m talking colossal, gigantic waves of panic and fear that go through me when I have to do this kind of stuff. It started in high school – actually, it started before then when I was a school kid in Romania, and you had to stand up in front of the class and be questioned by the teacher on the day’s lessons. It goes way back, and it has only escalated as I’ve gotten older, to the point that even sitting in a small group of people and having to introduce myself gives me a panic attack. Heck, someone has even given this thing a name.
What can one do? Well, I could say no and not do it. But I love tarot and I want to go a really, really long way with this. If you find something that really helps you in life, something that guides you through some pretty dark times, and something you love – you’ve got to share it with others. No need to preach – but if the opportunity comes, don’t knock it. I am very lucky that I know the root causes of this fear, and I have been introduced to tapping work (EFT). Yes, when I first read up on EFT I thought it was crazy, but seriously, it works. It’s even put me to sleep a couple of years back when I had insomnia. So I did a lot of tapping, and a lot of pretending in my living room (I hope the neighbours didn’t get freaked out by me standing in the middle of the living room talking to… well, no one). And it all went according to plan, as much as one can for an hour-long presentation – with very little nerves once I got the ball rolling.
I gave a talk on the Haindl Tarot, because it is my all time favourite deck, but more importantly, it’s got such a depth to it that is very rarely seen with a lot of decks these days. The messages, the vision, and the spiritual philosophies contained within speak to all of us, they speak of the political, environmental and spiritual paths that currently challenge us. My only regret with regards to going overseas is that I will not be in NZ to attend the Southern Symposium in June where there will be a screening of the documentary on the making of this deck.
I’ll be in a mountain town in Romania at the time – most likely reading with the Haindl tarot and doing yoga in between chatting with my grandma.